I don't want this blog to be about me rambling on and going down the same mental pathways I've been down before that didn't produce anything miraculous. I want this to be about forging new mental pathways. Forging a way out of the predicaments of where I am. I think some of that last post was really good, but then look at that last little bit, I went down a trail that I've been down before and didn't produce any new commentary or insight on it. I just rehashed one of the common thoughts in my head. That's not thinking on my toes enough. I want this to be about being on my toes.

I reduced my hours at the walker because of inauthenticity. Or so I think, at least. Maybe there's some better explanation of psychologically why I did that. But what, am I just going to quit everything inauthentic? What work am I going to do then? How am I going to put food in my mouth? What's my principle here? So there's the question, as well formulated as my brain has formulated it thus far. So do I answer it by answering the question, or by disagreeing with one of its assumptions, or by just ignoring it and going on with my life? Will this come back to nag me again?

Well, okay, let's take this day-by-day. Today left me feeling like it wasn't my best day. I feel a little gross about how I spent my time today. What am I going to do tomorrow? How is tomorrow going to be better? Probably more watching. Meaning, watching myself as I approach crossroads. Not walking down any of the prongs of the fork but just standing there at the crossroads and watching myself. More meditation, probably, though that always has the fear that I'm going to forget about or ignore my health and material security. What is the resolution to this? Well, I'm going to try to have an excellent day tomorrow and see how that goes and what I learn from that. I'm going to try to have an excellent day tomorrow. I'm going to stay close to the state of not doing anything. So that I don't do anything impulsive. It's okay to do stuff, just be very very patient about doing it. Wait like, a long time and then see if you still want to do it. You'll end up not doing most of the things you would have done otherwise. and the things you do do, you'll do more efficiently. You'll cut the bullshit parts of it. The distractions and rabbit holes of uselessness you normally go down in the process of doing something, for me, something like play or practice piano, or research health. Today I spent time doing things that are totally uninteresting to me ultimately. So I'm going to default to doing nothing tomorrow and see if I have a good day.